A Dose of Tough Love: If You Are Miserable, It's Your Fault

personal growth, self development

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A Dose of Tough Love: If You Are Miserable, It's Your Fault

Being responsible for your own happiness can be an extremely tough pill to swallow.

Why? Because as children, we’re taught to believe that happiness is something outside of us. It’s something we chase. If you’re angry by the title of this article, you’ve been living a state of victimhood. How do I know? Because I was there too. (Trust me, this isn’t a flippant statement disregarding tragedy and life circumstances. Feel free to read more about my story).

I talk to a lot of moms and honestly, most of them simply aren’t happy. The degree of unhappiness varies but there’s always a common thread that I see with mothers who are unhappy…. they won’t take responsibility for their own happiness.

Usually, they are blamers. They blame the bad weather, their inattentive husband, their controlling mother-in-law, their crappy job… 

Listen, I’ve been there. So I’m allowed to say this (and I mean it as empathetically as possible), it’s your fault!

unhappiness
I know this is hard to come to terms with. I denied it for years myself.

I blamed my childhood, I didn’t have a mother who loved me and nurtured me. I blamed my sensitivity, I couldn’t possibly survive in a world built for extroverts. I blamed my husband, he didn’t give me the support I needed.

The blame I was using to justify my life was killing me and it wasn’t until I was admitted to the psych ward that I realized it.

I was living a life as a puppet to everything and everyone around me. I allowed them to dictate my every action and I blamed them for it. 

Here’s what I learned. I am 100% responsible for myself, my thoughts, and my actions. 
  1. Not happy with the weather? Move.
  2. Not happy in your relationship? Leave.
  3. Not happy in your job? Get a new one.
  4. Not happy with your life? Make a change.
So often, people think they are stuck when in reality you just don’t like the options for change.

For example, if you hate your job, you can leave but instead, you make excuses. Listen, you get to decide. Once you accept that your life is a result of your decisions it gives you the freedom to understand you can decide to change. You can do the things that bring you joy in life and decide to leave behind the crap that doesn’t serve you. True happiness comes when you can take 100% responsibility for your life and your own happiness.

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